obama prompts, kim stompts
it's 3 am in foggy bottom. the black panthers are tucked safely into bed. downstairs, a flibbertijibbet is banging on his teleprompter while the Loch Ness Monster performs "memory" on a chinese TV from wal-mart. upstairs, a woman in bifocals and a tuzla-proof pants suit is on the Red phone with a matriculated single mother in alaska. "yes, they have nukes. yes, they have a missile capable of reaching alaska. yes, chelsea is available to babysit saturday night."
1. president of the "united" states, barack "when irish eyes are smiling, they're reading kennedy speeches off a teleprompter" obama, assured american home "owners" that their mortgage companies will survive the recession. "even if you don't. uh, look. my plan to rescue general motors from reality has failed. my plan to rescue citibank from reality has failed. my plan to rescue afghanistan from reality has failed. but that does not mean that my plan to rescue bill's donor list from dubya's victorious foreign policy can't drag you down with it. lieberman uber alles!"
2. north korean "president" kim "where have all the flowers gone?" jong-il, fed up with trying to use the "touch" screen on his blackberry storm, launched six nuclear-armed missiles at bristol "where have all the cowboys gone?" palin's post-graduation party. then secretary of state hillary "if you can't beat 'em, show 'em your donor list" clinton did nothing. "lieberman told me not to do anything until tzipi livni said so." then the united nations (motto: "fixing the world's problems since korea, 1949!") did nothing. "arlan specter told us not to do anything until lieberman said so." then china did nothing. "we're watching lebron james on the 1080p TVs chelsea gave us for chinese new year. and tell feinstein these crab-meat kreplachs suck."
3. supreme court nominee sonia "the bronx burrito" sotomayor defended her past comments against charges of reverse racism from dick "dick" cheney. "politicians every day get up in all types of fora and make what I consider the most ridiculous arguments, some of them illegal. but be honest. would you rather see a nice, plump, straight-A mamasita on the bench, or a sneering, pasty-faced, whiskey-drinking, red-baiting, sheep-ranching, rich-white-asshole-shooting, turban-dunking, lesbian-spawning abortion clinic bomber? oh, wait, i see your point."
1. president of the "united" states, barack "when irish eyes are smiling, they're reading kennedy speeches off a teleprompter" obama, assured american home "owners" that their mortgage companies will survive the recession. "even if you don't. uh, look. my plan to rescue general motors from reality has failed. my plan to rescue citibank from reality has failed. my plan to rescue afghanistan from reality has failed. but that does not mean that my plan to rescue bill's donor list from dubya's victorious foreign policy can't drag you down with it. lieberman uber alles!"
2. north korean "president" kim "where have all the flowers gone?" jong-il, fed up with trying to use the "touch" screen on his blackberry storm, launched six nuclear-armed missiles at bristol "where have all the cowboys gone?" palin's post-graduation party. then secretary of state hillary "if you can't beat 'em, show 'em your donor list" clinton did nothing. "lieberman told me not to do anything until tzipi livni said so." then the united nations (motto: "fixing the world's problems since korea, 1949!") did nothing. "arlan specter told us not to do anything until lieberman said so." then china did nothing. "we're watching lebron james on the 1080p TVs chelsea gave us for chinese new year. and tell feinstein these crab-meat kreplachs suck."
3. supreme court nominee sonia "the bronx burrito" sotomayor defended her past comments against charges of reverse racism from dick "dick" cheney. "politicians every day get up in all types of fora and make what I consider the most ridiculous arguments, some of them illegal. but be honest. would you rather see a nice, plump, straight-A mamasita on the bench, or a sneering, pasty-faced, whiskey-drinking, red-baiting, sheep-ranching, rich-white-asshole-shooting, turban-dunking, lesbian-spawning abortion clinic bomber? oh, wait, i see your point."
Posted by tommy jonq at 5/29/2009 9:05 AM 
Categories: Politickles
Tags: economy iphone bail out obama hillary wall street recession godzillary blackberry clinton afghanistan barack
Categories: Politickles
Tags: economy iphone bail out obama hillary wall street recession godzillary blackberry clinton afghanistan barack
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