obama bombs obama bowls obama bristols
it's 3 am in foggy bottom. a made-in-china pants suit is on the Red Phone with kim jong-il. "is that a rocket in your pocket, or are you just glad to see jay cutler in a bears uniform?" a flibberitijibbet with a bowling ball bag full of afghani kablammi barges in and starts throwing his weight around. "i invented cap-and-trade. i invented hot-or-not. i invented bowling-for-retards. where's my oscar? where's my nobel? where's my emmy?"
1. barack "when irish eyes are smiling, they're decriminalizing herbal remedies" obama, america's first "black" president, went on the tonight show with jay leno to defend such policies as paying astronomical bonuses to astronomical failures who ran the global economy into a black hole. "uh, look. if we don't shower these incompetent, white, scumbag lobbyists with taxpayer money, who will? if we don't bomb pakistan into nuclear civil war, who will? if we don't guarantee a regular flow of tainted chinese imports into the homes of america's children, who will? what are you, retarded?" then he went on the internet and gave a "press" conference. "where's the reporter from the chicago sun-times? where's the reporter from the rocky mountain news? where's the reporter from the philadelphia inquirer?"
2. "members" of the Congregation of the Holy Cross, who don't like girls and who know even less about getting one pregnant, if you follow our drift, expressed their moral queasiness over letting stem-cell pitchman barack obama give this year's commencement address at notre dame (translation: "our lady." snicker) university. "what would a protestant flibbertijibbet know about the sanctity of human life? besides, he's never given us one thin dime. besides, he never even played football. besides, michigan state took a dive. i mean, did you SEE that game?"
3. The Thing That Works On Wall Street, who looks less and less like web hubbell the older and older she gets (not that there's anything wrong with having a career instead of a husband, i mean, look how far her mother's gotten without any help from her "father," so don't think for one second i'm suggesting that she's anywhere near "old maid" status, i'm just saying maybe bill should have "fathered" more than one child, if he wants grandchildren,) spent mardi gras at home, dateless, beadless, and sober. "it's not like bristol has a husband, either. besides, what's she ever done for the economy? besides, what's she ever done for versace? besides, i don't give interviews."
1. barack "when irish eyes are smiling, they're decriminalizing herbal remedies" obama, america's first "black" president, went on the tonight show with jay leno to defend such policies as paying astronomical bonuses to astronomical failures who ran the global economy into a black hole. "uh, look. if we don't shower these incompetent, white, scumbag lobbyists with taxpayer money, who will? if we don't bomb pakistan into nuclear civil war, who will? if we don't guarantee a regular flow of tainted chinese imports into the homes of america's children, who will? what are you, retarded?" then he went on the internet and gave a "press" conference. "where's the reporter from the chicago sun-times? where's the reporter from the rocky mountain news? where's the reporter from the philadelphia inquirer?"
2. "members" of the Congregation of the Holy Cross, who don't like girls and who know even less about getting one pregnant, if you follow our drift, expressed their moral queasiness over letting stem-cell pitchman barack obama give this year's commencement address at notre dame (translation: "our lady." snicker) university. "what would a protestant flibbertijibbet know about the sanctity of human life? besides, he's never given us one thin dime. besides, he never even played football. besides, michigan state took a dive. i mean, did you SEE that game?"
3. The Thing That Works On Wall Street, who looks less and less like web hubbell the older and older she gets (not that there's anything wrong with having a career instead of a husband, i mean, look how far her mother's gotten without any help from her "father," so don't think for one second i'm suggesting that she's anywhere near "old maid" status, i'm just saying maybe bill should have "fathered" more than one child, if he wants grandchildren,) spent mardi gras at home, dateless, beadless, and sober. "it's not like bristol has a husband, either. besides, what's she ever done for the economy? besides, what's she ever done for versace? besides, i don't give interviews."
Posted by tommy jonq at 3/27/2009 7:58 AM 
Categories: Politickles
Tags: michigan state bowling final four obama hillary recession godzillary aig special olympics
Categories: Politickles
Tags: michigan state bowling final four obama hillary recession godzillary aig special olympics
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