hillary one steps, obama two steps, texas backsteps
it’s 3 am. the phone is ringing. it’s a woman in bifocals and a soiled pants suit, pounding boilermakers. “will no one rid me of this troublesome flibbertijibbet?”
1. texas officials, who never railroad anybody and prove it by releasing wrongly convicted prisoners every other week, have now admitted that they are jealous of how young many of the “girls” seized by swat teams from their homes last month appear, even though some of them are as old as 47. “it must be the homemade yogurt.” then they searched the fclds (motto: “you thought mormons were crazy”) compound. again. “we’re going to find something. somebody left the toilet seat up. somebody forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. somebody voted for barack obama. and when we find what we’re looking for, we’re going to do what we’re dying to do.” asked about the seeming fountain of youth possessed by the fclds women. “their foster families, under state supervision, have placed them on a normal texas diet of moon pies, marlboros, and mescal. they’ll be looking their age by christmas. and then the South’s gonna do It again!”
http://fieldnotes.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/05/21/1049578.aspx
2. “tailgunner joe” leiberman, who is so loyal to the democratic party that nominated him for vice-president in 2004 that he is now john mccain’s personal abassador to the state of isreali lobbyists, “explained” obama’s presidential candidacy at a very, very expensive dinner in new york. “you see, democratic party leaders have been kowtowing to the liberal voters of the party, instead of kowtowing to the isreali lobby like a good president should.” then he tossed mccain a scooby snack. then he said, “and look what that leads to—a flibbertijibbet running for president. oy vey!”
http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2008/05/lieberman_explains_obama_1.asp
3. jimmy “you see one giant swimming rabbit, you’ve seen them all” carter, who did not snicker when news broke that ted “has anybody seen my gal?” kennedy is dying from a brain tumor, doubted that barack “when irish eyes are smiling, they’re two thousand miles from kentucky” obama would pick godzillary as his running mate. “i begged ted be my running mate in ‘76, but no, the selfish s.o.b. had to stay in the senate and swing that big gut of his around, busting up my presidency like a china shop. you know, i actually won a presidential election. where’s my lousy oscar?” then he started handing out souvenir t-shirts. “we’re running out of kennedys!”
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/21/carter-obama-clinton-ticket-unlikely/
4. hillary “give it your best shot” clinton, who is just a hearbeat away from the democratic party’s “nomination” for president, campaigned in south dakota, explaining why she’s still in the race. “i think people have short-barelled memories. hubert humphrey was a long shot away from the nomination until june of 1968—and then, bang! one kennedy, more or less. it’s just a shot in the dark, but i have a feeling, and i’m not the only one, that somebody’s looking at a certain uppity candidate through a scope right now, waiting for a silver bullet, some kind of bullseye, a sign from jodie foster. and let’s not forget all the subliminal advertising ricocheting around time magazine and youtube these days. it’s a real helter skelter. there’s an old saying in politics—sic semper flibbertijibbets!”
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/23/clinton.comments/index.html
5. president john mccain canceled a fundraiser in phoenix after being threatened with several hundred union protesters. “i don’t take campaign money, anyway. besides, lieberman’s friends have more money than god. besides, my wife has more money than god. besides, the republican party has more money than god. besides, i have more lobbyists in my car right now than hillary’s got popular votes.” then lieberman tucked him in and read him a bedtime story. “goldilocks and the three lone gunmen set their sights on denver.” then he kissed him goodnight.
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/05/24/mccain-fundraiser-moved-amid-protest-threats/
6. intimates of “senator” ted “hold me closer, tiny dancer” kennedy are upbeat despite his prognosis of terminal brain cancer. “he’s only five or ten years older than mccain. besides, he’s survived things that killed ordinary secretaries. so we’re hopeful. besides, caroline can’t get us a good table at cheers.”
1. texas officials, who never railroad anybody and prove it by releasing wrongly convicted prisoners every other week, have now admitted that they are jealous of how young many of the “girls” seized by swat teams from their homes last month appear, even though some of them are as old as 47. “it must be the homemade yogurt.” then they searched the fclds (motto: “you thought mormons were crazy”) compound. again. “we’re going to find something. somebody left the toilet seat up. somebody forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste. somebody voted for barack obama. and when we find what we’re looking for, we’re going to do what we’re dying to do.” asked about the seeming fountain of youth possessed by the fclds women. “their foster families, under state supervision, have placed them on a normal texas diet of moon pies, marlboros, and mescal. they’ll be looking their age by christmas. and then the South’s gonna do It again!”
http://fieldnotes.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/05/21/1049578.aspx
2. “tailgunner joe” leiberman, who is so loyal to the democratic party that nominated him for vice-president in 2004 that he is now john mccain’s personal abassador to the state of isreali lobbyists, “explained” obama’s presidential candidacy at a very, very expensive dinner in new york. “you see, democratic party leaders have been kowtowing to the liberal voters of the party, instead of kowtowing to the isreali lobby like a good president should.” then he tossed mccain a scooby snack. then he said, “and look what that leads to—a flibbertijibbet running for president. oy vey!”
http://www.weeklystandard.com/weblogs/TWSFP/2008/05/lieberman_explains_obama_1.asp
3. jimmy “you see one giant swimming rabbit, you’ve seen them all” carter, who did not snicker when news broke that ted “has anybody seen my gal?” kennedy is dying from a brain tumor, doubted that barack “when irish eyes are smiling, they’re two thousand miles from kentucky” obama would pick godzillary as his running mate. “i begged ted be my running mate in ‘76, but no, the selfish s.o.b. had to stay in the senate and swing that big gut of his around, busting up my presidency like a china shop. you know, i actually won a presidential election. where’s my lousy oscar?” then he started handing out souvenir t-shirts. “we’re running out of kennedys!”
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/21/carter-obama-clinton-ticket-unlikely/
4. hillary “give it your best shot” clinton, who is just a hearbeat away from the democratic party’s “nomination” for president, campaigned in south dakota, explaining why she’s still in the race. “i think people have short-barelled memories. hubert humphrey was a long shot away from the nomination until june of 1968—and then, bang! one kennedy, more or less. it’s just a shot in the dark, but i have a feeling, and i’m not the only one, that somebody’s looking at a certain uppity candidate through a scope right now, waiting for a silver bullet, some kind of bullseye, a sign from jodie foster. and let’s not forget all the subliminal advertising ricocheting around time magazine and youtube these days. it’s a real helter skelter. there’s an old saying in politics—sic semper flibbertijibbets!”
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/23/clinton.comments/index.html
5. president john mccain canceled a fundraiser in phoenix after being threatened with several hundred union protesters. “i don’t take campaign money, anyway. besides, lieberman’s friends have more money than god. besides, my wife has more money than god. besides, the republican party has more money than god. besides, i have more lobbyists in my car right now than hillary’s got popular votes.” then lieberman tucked him in and read him a bedtime story. “goldilocks and the three lone gunmen set their sights on denver.” then he kissed him goodnight.
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/05/24/mccain-fundraiser-moved-amid-protest-threats/
6. intimates of “senator” ted “hold me closer, tiny dancer” kennedy are upbeat despite his prognosis of terminal brain cancer. “he’s only five or ten years older than mccain. besides, he’s survived things that killed ordinary secretaries. so we’re hopeful. besides, caroline can’t get us a good table at cheers.”
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