hillary lobs, obama knobs, mccain sobs
it’s 3 am. the phone at nra headquarters is ringing. it’s a woman in bifocals and a lavender pants suit. “i would gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger job today. no, the first tuesday in november.”
1. barack “when irish eyes are smiling they obliterate three pints of green tea-saffron low-fat frozen yogurt” obama, who now holds the majority of “elected” delegates in the “democratic” party’s race for presidential “nominee,” chickened out of declaring victory tuesday night. instead, he said the white house is now within reach. “we’re almost there,” he told a throbbing throng of thrilled supporters. “all we need now is a few million white votes, and we’re in like flynn.”
http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2008/05/21/politics/horserace/entry4112974.shtml
2. hillary “it’ll be over by february 5th” clinton vowed to fight on “until every single voter in the democratic party, and every single fan of rush limbaugh, is completely and utterly sick and tired of me.”
http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/05/21/the-early-word-two-more-weeks/
3. chelsea clinton, who looks so much like her father it’s scary, vowed to continue ducking reporter’s questions “until this nomination fight is over, until every republican has been heard, until rush’s choice has been made clear.”
http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/15609.html
4. senator ted “take a deep breath and hold it” kennedy, who has sandbagged each and every democratic nominee for president since 1972, endorsed obama earlier in the year, crippling early favorite hillary clinton, and is now going to upstage obama’s campaign with daily updates on his health. “obamamamananania may be sweeping the country, but this party’s all about the kennedys.”
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=4896380&page=1
5. president john mccain teared up when he heard that senator ted “take two sleeping pills and call the highway patrol in the morning” kennedy has been diagnosed with a fatal brain tumor. “i’ll never, ever forget the day he kneecapped jimmy carter on behalf of my hero, ronald reagan. that was beautiful.” then vice president “tailgunner joe” lieberman dabbed his tears with a hanky. then he tucked him under the covers. then he read mccain a bedtime story. “goldilocks and the three kennedys slip godzillary a flibbertijibbet.” then he kissed him goodnight.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2008/05/21/2008-05-21_news_of_ted_kennedys_illness_brings_roll.html
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