hillary fades, obama raids, china degrades
it’s 3 am. the phone is ringing. it’s a woman in a pants suit and bifocals, pounding boilermakers. “it’s my party, and i’ll cry if i want to.”
1. the chinese government (motto: “you see one tibetan peasant grease the tracks of a type 98 tank, you’ve seen them all”) have become so paranoid about western journalists “lying” about them that they now forbid foreign media from covering even humanitarian efforts in earthquake ravaged areas. “confucius say, turn off your chinese-made cameras and chinese-made microphones and chinese-made iphones and chinese-made laptops and go back home and buy more chinese-made reeboks and chinese-made levis and chinese-made iphones. and don’t come back for the olympics, either. chinese-edited versions of olympic broadcasts will be available on pirated dvd’s in gip joints everywhere.” then they bought hillary’s presidential campaign for twenty yuan on the dollar. then they bought mccain’s campaign for 19 yuan on the dollar. then they bought cindy mccain’s tax returns for 18 yuan on the dollar. then they bought walmart with al gore’s nobel prize money.
photo copyright 2006 tommy jonq all rights reserved
http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/05/16/1030551.aspx
2. friday, secretary of the “treasury” (motto: “the check is in the mail”) henry paulson predicted that the u.s. economy would recover by the end of the year. “just as soon as it bottoms out.” then he announced plans to visit oil-wealthy mideast countries that despise america’s support for the perfectly legal if so-so eithical state of israeli lobbyists, to promote america’s open investment policy. “we’ll take whatever they’ve got. spare change. left over hillary campaign iou’s. anything.”
http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSN1643918320080516
3. godzillary, desperately trying not become john edwards, launched a new ad campaign financed with food stamps and loose cigarettes. then she accused “president” bush of making accusations. “president bush's comparison of any democrat to nazi appeasers is both offensive and outrageous on the face of it, especially in light of his failures in foreign policy. he has repeatedly failed to appease anybody. besides, there are very clear differences between republicans and democrats on foreign policy. the republicans have too much and the democrats don’t have any. for example, just because i’m publicly opposed to a new free trade deal with colombia does not mean that my husband can’t make $800,000 dollars lobbying for it.” then she obliterated the iranian olympic ballroom dancing team for not kissing the chinese flag properly. then she bought a uranium mine in kazakhstan. “i just loved borat.” then she obliterated a nick of Colombian Gold. then she sold a busload of texas polygamist babies to wal-mart for bus fare to denver. “nuggets-ville or bust!”
http://www.blog.newsweek.com/blogs/stumper/archive/2008/05/16/clinton-s-classy-exit-strategy.aspx
4. the Old Kids On the Block are back, ready or not. care or not. “it was surreal at first” jordan knight said about their first rehearsal last week. “of course, it was surreal the lst time around. but you have not lived until you’ve seen 5 homer simpsons line dancing in front of a crowd of thousands of screaming marge simpsons.”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24635510/
5. george “it takes two to make a landslide” mcgovern, the latest in a long, long line of democratic party presidential election losers to endorse barack “when irish eyes are smiling, they’re taking a few hits in the press room” o’bama, explained that “when i endorsed hillary—as payback for her and bill’s “support” in my own 1972 campaign—my kids, my grandkids, nieces, nephews, and their friends all enlisted in the obama campaign. it just goes to show i don’t have any more support among young people now than i did in 1972.” obama thanked mccgovern and then looked forward “to the day when a winner from the democratic party endorses my campaign.” then he looked longingly at jimmy carter. then he looked longingly at bill clinton. then he looked longingly at al gore’s oscar.
http://blogs.reuters.com/trail08/2008/05/16/mcgovern-reveals-real-reason-for-obama-endorsement-switch/
1. the chinese government (motto: “you see one tibetan peasant grease the tracks of a type 98 tank, you’ve seen them all”) have become so paranoid about western journalists “lying” about them that they now forbid foreign media from covering even humanitarian efforts in earthquake ravaged areas. “confucius say, turn off your chinese-made cameras and chinese-made microphones and chinese-made iphones and chinese-made laptops and go back home and buy more chinese-made reeboks and chinese-made levis and chinese-made iphones. and don’t come back for the olympics, either. chinese-edited versions of olympic broadcasts will be available on pirated dvd’s in gip joints everywhere.” then they bought hillary’s presidential campaign for twenty yuan on the dollar. then they bought mccain’s campaign for 19 yuan on the dollar. then they bought cindy mccain’s tax returns for 18 yuan on the dollar. then they bought walmart with al gore’s nobel prize money.
photo copyright 2006 tommy jonq all rights reserved
http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/05/16/1030551.aspx
2. friday, secretary of the “treasury” (motto: “the check is in the mail”) henry paulson predicted that the u.s. economy would recover by the end of the year. “just as soon as it bottoms out.” then he announced plans to visit oil-wealthy mideast countries that despise america’s support for the perfectly legal if so-so eithical state of israeli lobbyists, to promote america’s open investment policy. “we’ll take whatever they’ve got. spare change. left over hillary campaign iou’s. anything.”
http://www.reuters.com/article/worldNews/idUSN1643918320080516
3. godzillary, desperately trying not become john edwards, launched a new ad campaign financed with food stamps and loose cigarettes. then she accused “president” bush of making accusations. “president bush's comparison of any democrat to nazi appeasers is both offensive and outrageous on the face of it, especially in light of his failures in foreign policy. he has repeatedly failed to appease anybody. besides, there are very clear differences between republicans and democrats on foreign policy. the republicans have too much and the democrats don’t have any. for example, just because i’m publicly opposed to a new free trade deal with colombia does not mean that my husband can’t make $800,000 dollars lobbying for it.” then she obliterated the iranian olympic ballroom dancing team for not kissing the chinese flag properly. then she bought a uranium mine in kazakhstan. “i just loved borat.” then she obliterated a nick of Colombian Gold. then she sold a busload of texas polygamist babies to wal-mart for bus fare to denver. “nuggets-ville or bust!”
http://www.blog.newsweek.com/blogs/stumper/archive/2008/05/16/clinton-s-classy-exit-strategy.aspx
4. the Old Kids On the Block are back, ready or not. care or not. “it was surreal at first” jordan knight said about their first rehearsal last week. “of course, it was surreal the lst time around. but you have not lived until you’ve seen 5 homer simpsons line dancing in front of a crowd of thousands of screaming marge simpsons.”
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24635510/
5. george “it takes two to make a landslide” mcgovern, the latest in a long, long line of democratic party presidential election losers to endorse barack “when irish eyes are smiling, they’re taking a few hits in the press room” o’bama, explained that “when i endorsed hillary—as payback for her and bill’s “support” in my own 1972 campaign—my kids, my grandkids, nieces, nephews, and their friends all enlisted in the obama campaign. it just goes to show i don’t have any more support among young people now than i did in 1972.” obama thanked mccgovern and then looked forward “to the day when a winner from the democratic party endorses my campaign.” then he looked longingly at jimmy carter. then he looked longingly at bill clinton. then he looked longingly at al gore’s oscar.
http://blogs.reuters.com/trail08/2008/05/16/mcgovern-reveals-real-reason-for-obama-endorsement-switch/
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