hillary closes the gap
it's 3 am. turn out the lights. the party’s over.
1. break out the budweiser and the squirrel guns—the Great White Hope is set to finish off the Flibbertijibbet, once and for all, on tuesday. the “democrats,” who haven’t gotten 50 percent of the vote in a presidential election since 1964, won’t get fifty percent of the vote in november, either. whitezillary is not just polishing the silver with obama’s ass, she’s reminding—with a bitter, shrieking vengeance—all those voters who got excited over obama why they weren’t “democrats” in the first place. and they will remember—with a vengeance—in november. it’s enough to make an irredeemable son of a bitch run out and join the green party. so he did.
2. barack “why the fuck did i ever think this mob of unemployed, beer-guzzling, lesbian-aborting, whale-worshipping, shotgun-kissing rednecked losers could possibly get their shit together for once, anyway?” obama, who is still running for the nomination of the democratic (motto: “we can lose any election, any time, any place”) party like it matters any more, stubbornly refuses to get into the gutter with the former first “lady,” no matter how many cojones james carville says she has. “if you really, really want a hatchet-wielding, daughter-pimping, race-baiting, pathological liar to flush what’s left of your jobs down a chinese toilet at wal-mart, she’s standing over there, next to the Dateless Wonder and the Thing That Can’t Keep His Hands Off Your Daughter.”
3. “reverend” jeremiah “anything judas can do, i can do better” whight, whose new mansion cost a lot more than thirty pieces of silver, celebrated whitezillary’s victory all week. “let this be a lesson to all you young african-americans out there: don’t get too uppity.” then he winked at geraldine “niggers have it easy” ferarro. then he winked at mark “i told you spics won’t vote for a nigger” penn. then he winked at ed “wops wouldn’t vote for a nigger if you flushed every last one of their jobs down a chinese toilet at wal-mart” rendell. then he winked at evan “polacks and coon asses wouldn’t vote for a nigger if jesus christ himself climbed down from the bloody cross and begged them to do it” bayh. then he winked at harold “do you really want a nigger in the White house at 3 am?” ickes. then he winked at maggie “no one would ever suspect a black woman of kneecapping a nigger. would they?” williams. then he winked at sean “jesus, if i’d known they’d kneecap their own niggers, i wouldn’t have bothered showing stephanopoulos how to do it” hannity. then he winked at bill “the first—and last—nigger president” clinton. then he winked at george “a lot of black people voted for me in 2004. and now you know why” bush. then “reverend” whight kissed dick cheney on the lips. then he got into bed. then an irredeemable son of a bitch ran out and joined the green party.
4. john “if anybody’s whiter than hillary, it’s me” mccain cruised through another week of the “democratic” party’s suicide orgy unscathed. not even an endorsement from dubya can stop him now. winners, unlike losers, learn from past mistakes. bill “if anybody needs me, i’ll be spitzering on your daughter’s prom dress” clinton “won” two presidential elections by splitting the republicans with a flakey third party candidate. so this time, the republicans have simply nominated the flake and eliminated the middle man. game over.
5. starting tuesday. or maybe wednesday (i have real “papers” to write for): it’s back to “the daily jonq,” where an irredeemable son of a bitch belongs. thanks for reading. i hope you got a laugh out of the dog’s breakfast of ass clowns we call american democracy. now it’s time to laugh at the rest of america’s ass clowns.
6. by popular demand (startling demand, in fact) i'm sticking with politiqs by jonq. just remember: you asked for it. and thanks.
1. break out the budweiser and the squirrel guns—the Great White Hope is set to finish off the Flibbertijibbet, once and for all, on tuesday. the “democrats,” who haven’t gotten 50 percent of the vote in a presidential election since 1964, won’t get fifty percent of the vote in november, either. whitezillary is not just polishing the silver with obama’s ass, she’s reminding—with a bitter, shrieking vengeance—all those voters who got excited over obama why they weren’t “democrats” in the first place. and they will remember—with a vengeance—in november. it’s enough to make an irredeemable son of a bitch run out and join the green party. so he did.
2. barack “why the fuck did i ever think this mob of unemployed, beer-guzzling, lesbian-aborting, whale-worshipping, shotgun-kissing rednecked losers could possibly get their shit together for once, anyway?” obama, who is still running for the nomination of the democratic (motto: “we can lose any election, any time, any place”) party like it matters any more, stubbornly refuses to get into the gutter with the former first “lady,” no matter how many cojones james carville says she has. “if you really, really want a hatchet-wielding, daughter-pimping, race-baiting, pathological liar to flush what’s left of your jobs down a chinese toilet at wal-mart, she’s standing over there, next to the Dateless Wonder and the Thing That Can’t Keep His Hands Off Your Daughter.”
3. “reverend” jeremiah “anything judas can do, i can do better” whight, whose new mansion cost a lot more than thirty pieces of silver, celebrated whitezillary’s victory all week. “let this be a lesson to all you young african-americans out there: don’t get too uppity.” then he winked at geraldine “niggers have it easy” ferarro. then he winked at mark “i told you spics won’t vote for a nigger” penn. then he winked at ed “wops wouldn’t vote for a nigger if you flushed every last one of their jobs down a chinese toilet at wal-mart” rendell. then he winked at evan “polacks and coon asses wouldn’t vote for a nigger if jesus christ himself climbed down from the bloody cross and begged them to do it” bayh. then he winked at harold “do you really want a nigger in the White house at 3 am?” ickes. then he winked at maggie “no one would ever suspect a black woman of kneecapping a nigger. would they?” williams. then he winked at sean “jesus, if i’d known they’d kneecap their own niggers, i wouldn’t have bothered showing stephanopoulos how to do it” hannity. then he winked at bill “the first—and last—nigger president” clinton. then he winked at george “a lot of black people voted for me in 2004. and now you know why” bush. then “reverend” whight kissed dick cheney on the lips. then he got into bed. then an irredeemable son of a bitch ran out and joined the green party.
4. john “if anybody’s whiter than hillary, it’s me” mccain cruised through another week of the “democratic” party’s suicide orgy unscathed. not even an endorsement from dubya can stop him now. winners, unlike losers, learn from past mistakes. bill “if anybody needs me, i’ll be spitzering on your daughter’s prom dress” clinton “won” two presidential elections by splitting the republicans with a flakey third party candidate. so this time, the republicans have simply nominated the flake and eliminated the middle man. game over.
5. starting tuesday. or maybe wednesday (i have real “papers” to write for): it’s back to “the daily jonq,” where an irredeemable son of a bitch belongs. thanks for reading. i hope you got a laugh out of the dog’s breakfast of ass clowns we call american democracy. now it’s time to laugh at the rest of america’s ass clowns.
6. by popular demand (startling demand, in fact) i'm sticking with politiqs by jonq. just remember: you asked for it. and thanks.
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