hillary pounds a bud, obama pounds a bud, liz pounds bud after bud after bud
it’s 3 am. the telephone is ringing. a woman in bifocals and a pants suit answers. “this is the texas polygamists club. could you please come and pick up your husband?”
1. texas (motto: “take my wives. please!”) authorities, who never railroad anybody, are taking dna samples from hundreds of superduper, ultar-far-out-there mormon children rounded up en masse last month, to see if any of them have parents. “the evidence isn’t in. yet. but we suspect that some of these children may be clones, or possibly cyborgs. we may have to round up a few hundred catholic children or lutheran children or flibbertijibbet children for comparison purposes. maybe a few thousand.”
2. chelsea “seen but not heard. or believed” clinton, who does not look a thing like web hubbell, spoke out against a high court ruling that allows for laws requiring voters to present photo id’s. “the photo id system is unreliable. three times, i’ve gone to get a photo id, and every time, the camera broke down.”
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/05/02/voter-fraud-watch-could-acorn-scandal-in-washington-have-been-avoided-with-photo-id/
3. “actress” and polygamist elizabeth “i never met a man i didn’t marry” taylor, who could certainly teach hillary “i never even met web hubbell, let alone slept with him, before chelsea was born” clinton a thing or two about divorce, today endorsed hillary for president. “she’s not a flibbertijibbet. ferarro knows what i mean.” then she winked at bill. then she winked at mccain. then she winked at lieberman. then she winked at lindsey graham. then she winked at gore, kerrry, bush, bush, mondale, carter, hart, cheney, and kennedy. then she winked at chelsea’s on-again, off-again boyfriend evan strange.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/02/elizabeth-taylor-urges-primary-voters-to-back-clinton/
4. in terre haute (translation: “the high ground.” go ahead and snicker. trust me.) indiana, barack “the flibbertijibbet” obama, who is running for president for some reason, spent the day trying to connect with small town indiana voters. “meet my typical white family.” then he threw a can of bud at a big screen tv showing highlights from rev jeremiah “what are friends for?” wright’s latest “sermon.” then he threw a can of pomegranate-saffron pancake syrup at a big screen tv showing highlights from indiana “senator” evan bayh’s latest makeout session with mccain’s hot blonde lobbyist “friend.” then he took a couple of hits in the press room. then he obliterated a 16-inch low-carb “royal feast” pizza from pizza king. then he obliterated a dozen square donuts from square donuts. then he obliterated a triple meat taco platter from taco casita. then he obliterated a bus full of reporters and bloggers.
http://www.pizzakingindiana.com/menu.asp
http://www.hollyeats.com/SquareDonut.htm
http://specials.tribstar.com/terrehautestop40/stories/square.html
5. stung by the defection of joe “what have you done for me lately?” andrew, hillary “fish or cut bait. or cut monica” clinton dug up a few old dnc party chairmen of her own to wheel in front of the voters. “ken kurtis was chairman of this party when jimmy carter was swimming with giant rabbits and committing mondale in his heart. ken was chairman of this party when billy was pounding the boilermakers and miss lillian was turning down the thermostat. ken was chairman of this party when amy, not chelsea, was the Dateless Wonder Who Could Stop a Clock.”
http://trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/05/clinton-to-obama-ill-see-your.html
1. texas (motto: “take my wives. please!”) authorities, who never railroad anybody, are taking dna samples from hundreds of superduper, ultar-far-out-there mormon children rounded up en masse last month, to see if any of them have parents. “the evidence isn’t in. yet. but we suspect that some of these children may be clones, or possibly cyborgs. we may have to round up a few hundred catholic children or lutheran children or flibbertijibbet children for comparison purposes. maybe a few thousand.”
2. chelsea “seen but not heard. or believed” clinton, who does not look a thing like web hubbell, spoke out against a high court ruling that allows for laws requiring voters to present photo id’s. “the photo id system is unreliable. three times, i’ve gone to get a photo id, and every time, the camera broke down.”
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/05/02/voter-fraud-watch-could-acorn-scandal-in-washington-have-been-avoided-with-photo-id/
3. “actress” and polygamist elizabeth “i never met a man i didn’t marry” taylor, who could certainly teach hillary “i never even met web hubbell, let alone slept with him, before chelsea was born” clinton a thing or two about divorce, today endorsed hillary for president. “she’s not a flibbertijibbet. ferarro knows what i mean.” then she winked at bill. then she winked at mccain. then she winked at lieberman. then she winked at lindsey graham. then she winked at gore, kerrry, bush, bush, mondale, carter, hart, cheney, and kennedy. then she winked at chelsea’s on-again, off-again boyfriend evan strange.
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/05/02/elizabeth-taylor-urges-primary-voters-to-back-clinton/
4. in terre haute (translation: “the high ground.” go ahead and snicker. trust me.) indiana, barack “the flibbertijibbet” obama, who is running for president for some reason, spent the day trying to connect with small town indiana voters. “meet my typical white family.” then he threw a can of bud at a big screen tv showing highlights from rev jeremiah “what are friends for?” wright’s latest “sermon.” then he threw a can of pomegranate-saffron pancake syrup at a big screen tv showing highlights from indiana “senator” evan bayh’s latest makeout session with mccain’s hot blonde lobbyist “friend.” then he took a couple of hits in the press room. then he obliterated a 16-inch low-carb “royal feast” pizza from pizza king. then he obliterated a dozen square donuts from square donuts. then he obliterated a triple meat taco platter from taco casita. then he obliterated a bus full of reporters and bloggers.
http://www.pizzakingindiana.com/menu.asp
http://www.hollyeats.com/SquareDonut.htm
http://specials.tribstar.com/terrehautestop40/stories/square.html
5. stung by the defection of joe “what have you done for me lately?” andrew, hillary “fish or cut bait. or cut monica” clinton dug up a few old dnc party chairmen of her own to wheel in front of the voters. “ken kurtis was chairman of this party when jimmy carter was swimming with giant rabbits and committing mondale in his heart. ken was chairman of this party when billy was pounding the boilermakers and miss lillian was turning down the thermostat. ken was chairman of this party when amy, not chelsea, was the Dateless Wonder Who Could Stop a Clock.”
http://trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2008/05/clinton-to-obama-ill-see-your.html
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