obama's monkeys, mccain's spank monkey, and a tough old byrd
1. tuesday, the senate convened hearings on on How Swell Things Are Going in Iraq. all three major candidates were in presidential-looking attendance, after a brief flap involving one candidate and the sergeant at arms. “i’m sorry, mr osama, obama, whatever, but this club is restricted.”
then john “man the tailgun, joe!” mccain got first dibs to ask general david “if i have to explain it, you’ll never understand it” petraeus a question. “our goal—my goal—is an iraq that no longer needs american troops, and i believe we can achieve that goal, perhaps sooner than many imagine,” mccain said. “perhaps later. perhaps much later. perhaps, oh, i don’t know, a hundred years. but maybe sooner. but i also believe that the promise of withdrawal of our forces regardless of the consequences would constitute a failure of political and moral leadership. success—the establishment of a peaceful, democratic state, the defeat of terrorism—this success is within reach,” he said. “congress must not choose to lose in iraq. we must choose to succeed.”
what was the question?” petraeus said.
then leiberman spanked him with a mezuzzah. then hillary blew lieberman a kiss. then he passed it on to mccain. then mccain dozed off.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/04/08/iraq.candidates/index.html
2. across the hall from the dog and pony and you-know-what show, robert “if you think mccain’s old” byrd, who is only 90 years old, refused to step down as chairman of the senate appropriations committe. “i invented money. i carved the wooden dollar washington threw across the delaware. i’ve thrown more money out the window than you can count. i was chairman of this committee when ronald reagan was selling refrigerators to pay his alimony. i was chairman of this committee when john mccain was getting shot down after the junior prom. i was chairman of this committee when chelsea was a stain on some intern’s dress. and i’ll still be chairman of this committee when hillary’s dick goes limp.” then he gave everyone the evil eye.
byrd’s spokes“person” jesse jacobs scoffed at the rumors that byrd might retire. “that’s what washington insiders do. they cling to the suck-tit of power like dog shit clings to your shoe.”
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/04/08/byrd-wont-give-up-top-committee-spot/
3. hillary “trade ya!” clinton promised unions on tuesday that she opposes the new trade deal with colombia—the one her top shit slinger mark penn gets paid millions of dollars to lobby for, which turns out to be just a coincidence, stranger things have happened, etc, like, well, bill supports it too. “but i disagree with bill. and we all know what that means.” then monica snickered. then chelsea spit a wad of gum in her hair. then silda spitzer spit her wad of gum in monica’s hair. then bill “spitzered” his wad of “gum” in her hair.
mark penn explained the whole thing. “it’s kind of funny, in a bosnian sniper way. but this is not the phony pretend-to-oppose-it kind of thing we normally do. i mean see. no, hillary really, really, really, really pretends to oppose this deal. for now.” then he snickered. then lieberman snickered. then mccain snickered. then the wto snickered. then mccain dozed off.
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/04/08/clinton-renews-criticism-of-colombian-trade-deal/
4. a delegate “pledged” to obama in illinois (state motto: “that shit stuck to the bottom of chicago’s shoe”) resigned tuesday after calling her neighbor’s kids “a bunch of chelsea-faced monkeys.” the woman—named linda ramirez-sliwinski, believe it or not. i don’t. but you can—denied any racist sentiment behind her temporary tourrette’s. “it was a gut reaction. i was startled. frightened. not because they’re so you-know-what, but because they’re so disturbingly ugly.”
but a mother of one of the kids insisted that the remark could only have been racist. “they aren’t that ugly. not mine, anyway. but between you and me, off the record-like, this isn’t the first time that oldest one’s been called a chelsea.” then hillary snickered. she didn’t cackle. not like when she threw her daughter under the bus in ohio. but she snickered.
http://www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/883120,CST-NWS-trustee08.article
5. you must see this:
then john “man the tailgun, joe!” mccain got first dibs to ask general david “if i have to explain it, you’ll never understand it” petraeus a question. “our goal—my goal—is an iraq that no longer needs american troops, and i believe we can achieve that goal, perhaps sooner than many imagine,” mccain said. “perhaps later. perhaps much later. perhaps, oh, i don’t know, a hundred years. but maybe sooner. but i also believe that the promise of withdrawal of our forces regardless of the consequences would constitute a failure of political and moral leadership. success—the establishment of a peaceful, democratic state, the defeat of terrorism—this success is within reach,” he said. “congress must not choose to lose in iraq. we must choose to succeed.”
what was the question?” petraeus said.
then leiberman spanked him with a mezuzzah. then hillary blew lieberman a kiss. then he passed it on to mccain. then mccain dozed off.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/04/08/iraq.candidates/index.html
2. across the hall from the dog and pony and you-know-what show, robert “if you think mccain’s old” byrd, who is only 90 years old, refused to step down as chairman of the senate appropriations committe. “i invented money. i carved the wooden dollar washington threw across the delaware. i’ve thrown more money out the window than you can count. i was chairman of this committee when ronald reagan was selling refrigerators to pay his alimony. i was chairman of this committee when john mccain was getting shot down after the junior prom. i was chairman of this committee when chelsea was a stain on some intern’s dress. and i’ll still be chairman of this committee when hillary’s dick goes limp.” then he gave everyone the evil eye.
byrd’s spokes“person” jesse jacobs scoffed at the rumors that byrd might retire. “that’s what washington insiders do. they cling to the suck-tit of power like dog shit clings to your shoe.”
http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/04/08/byrd-wont-give-up-top-committee-spot/
3. hillary “trade ya!” clinton promised unions on tuesday that she opposes the new trade deal with colombia—the one her top shit slinger mark penn gets paid millions of dollars to lobby for, which turns out to be just a coincidence, stranger things have happened, etc, like, well, bill supports it too. “but i disagree with bill. and we all know what that means.” then monica snickered. then chelsea spit a wad of gum in her hair. then silda spitzer spit her wad of gum in monica’s hair. then bill “spitzered” his wad of “gum” in her hair.
mark penn explained the whole thing. “it’s kind of funny, in a bosnian sniper way. but this is not the phony pretend-to-oppose-it kind of thing we normally do. i mean see. no, hillary really, really, really, really pretends to oppose this deal. for now.” then he snickered. then lieberman snickered. then mccain snickered. then the wto snickered. then mccain dozed off.
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/04/08/clinton-renews-criticism-of-colombian-trade-deal/
4. a delegate “pledged” to obama in illinois (state motto: “that shit stuck to the bottom of chicago’s shoe”) resigned tuesday after calling her neighbor’s kids “a bunch of chelsea-faced monkeys.” the woman—named linda ramirez-sliwinski, believe it or not. i don’t. but you can—denied any racist sentiment behind her temporary tourrette’s. “it was a gut reaction. i was startled. frightened. not because they’re so you-know-what, but because they’re so disturbingly ugly.”
but a mother of one of the kids insisted that the remark could only have been racist. “they aren’t that ugly. not mine, anyway. but between you and me, off the record-like, this isn’t the first time that oldest one’s been called a chelsea.” then hillary snickered. she didn’t cackle. not like when she threw her daughter under the bus in ohio. but she snickered.
http://www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/883120,CST-NWS-trustee08.article
5. you must see this:
That looks like JetTV from Japan. They have all sorts of talents on that show and some of them are pretty good and some very tepid. Fun all the same.
Steve
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